Blue Sky
by Dumpster Diver
Summary: I guess AU. More like alternate timeline, though. In which Cody reflects on his life. The 'bad boy' isn't always who you'd expect him to be. And there's a reason for everything.


**A/N:** I'd never really watched this show before, until a couple days ago. I thought it was funny. Then this thing popped into my head, and just wouldn't let go. I had to write it. I listened to a song while writing this, which was also the inspiration for the title. Blue Sky by Anna Brewer. Her songs are truly amazing, and you can find her on myspace (FFN won't let me post the link, sorry). I suggest you listen to the song while reading this.

This probably needs some editing, as the ending might be a bit confusing. Please comment (constructive criticism) and tell me what you think.

* * *

**Blue Sky**

It's funny how things change. That's what Cody Martin was thinking as he sat on the fire escape outside his window, cigarette dangling from between his lips. He took a drag, and took it out of his mouth, watching the smoke swirling up into the sky. Gray on gray, a beautiful blur of nothing. He moved his hanging legs back and forth like a little kid. Not afraid of falling; not even thinking about the ground.

His mother had called yesterday. He hadn't picked up the phone, but he listened to the message afterward. He could almost replay it, word for word, in his head.

_**Hey Cody. I hope you're doin' okay. Zack says hi… He's doing good in film school. I think you'd be proud.**_

Silence…

_**Damnit, I wish you'd call once in a while. I miss you… I love you. Happy birthday. I'll talk to ya later… I hope…**_

Cody took another drag on his cigarette, and moved his dyed brown hair from his eyes with the hand not holding the burning cancer stick. If there were anybody there to look, and if they looked closely, they could probably see the corners of his mouth turned down slightly, a look of concentration on his face.

He missed his family; of course he did. He just… didn't think he could go back. Not right now, anyway. Nothing had turned out as he had expected it to. He was bitter, and he made no bones about it. He was jealous of Zack, who had straightened himself out after a run-in with a gang, and was now doing very well at NYU. Part of him tried not to be. The part of him that was still twelve years old, before the proverbial shit hit the proverbial fan, and made a great big proverbial mess. For him, at least.

It seemed that as things got better and better for his brother and his mom, things just got worse for him. It started with Steve. Steve McGrew, his mother's husband. He refused to call him a stepfather. The bastard wasn't any form of father. Yeah, Steve was another reason he couldn't quite see his way to going home. You'd think he'd target the troublemaker, the fucked up one. Cody wasn't stupid. He knew they usually went for the vulnerable ones, the ones with problems. Steve's abuse was the start of the tilt-a-whirl that would become his life for four torturous years.

That was when Zack and him split. Steve never laid a hand on Zack. He wasn't exactly a perfect dad substitute, but he didn't show how fucked up he really was until he was in a room alone with Cody. He had the cigar burns to prove it. Cody had lost faith in everyone. He lost the will to tell anybody about it. After being told constantly that nobody would believe him, that they would all call him a liar, that his mother would send him away… he had believed it. He had let the fucker get under his skin, infecting him like a flesh eating virus.

He ground his cigarette violently into the grating, watching as half of the cigarette fell through in a whirl of little tobacco flakes. Happy fucking birthday. He tried to hold it back, but a tear slipped out, quickly followed by another. He was eighteen years old now. It had been just a year since he'd left home. His head hung low as the tears flowed from his eyes. The ground looked so far from his feet, and looking at it made him dizzy. Cody backed up against the wall, and brought his knees to his chest. He held his head in his hands and sobbed.

"Shit." It was the only word he could think of. He'd had enough of this. "Shit!"

The faint call of someone telling him to 'shut his goddamn mouth' hardly reached his ears. This was New York; it was background noise. Slowly… he began to calm down. The tears subsided, leaving him hiccoughing for a minute before he opened his eyes again.

The gray sky had disappeared, and in it's place was a piercing bright blue that made him blink rapidly. He wondered how long he'd been crying. Seemed like forever; probably was. He really didn't know what he was supposed to think anymore. But somewhere in his gut, he knew this was it. Do or die; sink or swim. And he had one hell of a rock tied to him. He laughed. It was bitter, but it was a start.

He remembered in his sophomore year of high school, just after a rather painful session with Steve. He had thought about just offing himself and getting it over with. But then something happened. It was like a switch turned on in his head. Suddenly everything was okay, and he could see that moment stretching out into the blue sky before him. And it was pure joy. Even for just one moment, he saw something beautiful in the world. And he decided that not even Steve could beat that out of him.

Thinking back, he hoped he hadn't let him. That was the moment he thought had saved his life, and nothing really extraordinary had happened. Just a day, like any other. It was a tiny little sliver of hope that had kept him going. Jaded. He was so goddamned jaded that he thought now that it wouldn't be enough hope to live by. No, Cody wasn't stupid. But they say hindsight is 20/20, and he could see. All he could see was himself… blocking… himself.

Steve was an asshole, but he was also Cody's big giant crutch. And if he had managed to beat the joy right out of him, then the bastard won. And, in the end, Cody was cheating himself out of those moments when he could just drown in blue skies. He lifted his head, closed his eyes. He didn't smile. But he wasn't being bitter, and that was a start.


End file.
